In today’s episode, Bryan Walker and Brett Elder have the privilege of interviewing Pastor Troy Sergey and Pastor Trent Boedecker on the topic of “Serving Alone”. They sit down to talk about some of the challenges of serving alone, as well as how board members can help.

This episode’s special guests

Bryan Walker: Today our guests are just really dear friends of mine, and they are in churches outside of the Grand Rapids area. If you’re familiar with the Grace Gospel Fellowship, there is a pretty good concentration of churches in this region. Both of these men serve with their spouse in a community that’s quite a ways away from the Grand Rapids area. And just like a lot of our churches are in communities outside of GR, these men can speak to it from a very unique angle. And I’m grateful for these guys to be here.

We have Pastor Trent Boedecker. He’s a lead pastor at the Grace Gospel church in Ada, Ohio. And we also have Pastor Troy Sergey from the Grace church located in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Brett Elder: So, “Serving Alone”. Maybe you can tell us a little bit about the size of your congregation next. But I think the paradox I’m speaking to is the fact that there are probably several people in your congregation, and yet life can feel alone. So I want to unpack that during this episode. But I wonder, Troy, if you could just sort of give us a thumbnail sketch of your church, maybe the size and scope of it. And how long you’ve been involved in pastoring there?

Troy Sergey: I’m pastor at Grace church and Indianapolis, Indiana. And of course, this is one of the biggest cities in the Midwest, but we are the sole grace church here. And so we’re located a little bit on the southeast suburb of Indianapolis. Nice growing area. As far as our church goes. We’re about maybe 38, 39 people when everyone’s there.

And of course, we’re an elder-board-run church, so. But I am the sole staff member. 

We’ve been here for about 15 months. And previously I was with pastor Trent in Ada, Ohio, serving as the associate.

Brett Elder: Awesome. Thanks, Troy. Hey, tell us about your church, Trent.

Trent Boedecker: Yeah, we’re in Ada, Ohio. Our church is about maybe 50 members. On an average Sunday, we have about 50 people. But, yeah, it’s a small, small town. Very much a family church.

I think the nearest grace church is about an hour away, so. But I’ve been here for about 22 years. 2001 is when I started here, so I’ve been here for quite a while.

I’m the only person on staff. I enjoyed having Pastor Troy here for about 13 months, and so that was really great to have that connection and that relationship, and we really enjoyed that.

What does it mean to feel alone?

Brett Elder: Awesome. So, Troy, I guess the privilege of being one of the co-hosts of the podcast is I get to put people on the spot, but I’m just kind of curious. You’ve been a pastor there for, what did you say, 15 months? Speak to just the various aspects of what it means to be alone in a congregation of 38 people. Talk to me about how that feels. Alone.

Troy Sergey: Yeah, yeah. I guess what makes it better, I guess I’ll start with that. The fun aspect of serving alone is that I have a church family who deeply cares about me, and I think that alone is important. To cling to your own church, cling to the elders, cling to the congregation, cling to the people that God has sent you to serve and to be with. And of course, I got married eleven months ago. Well, actually a year from this Saturday. So having her along with me has been, well, a great experience.

But I think when I first got here, and even a few months after, when I got married, it was major adjustments. And I think the adjustments of serving alone kind of all hit at once for me. A new city/state, a new job, pastor and a new spouse. Those are three massive adjustments. And then to have that alone, I think that certainly creates a sense of loneliness – of new.

But I guess to answer your question, Brett, you have to really rely on the people that are there a lot more than I think. If you have a network of churches or pastors that are right there, you have to rely on your church more, you have to rely on your elders more, you have to rely on what’s already in-house more. 

Brett Elder: So I’m mindful of the fact that both of you have, you know, smaller church congregations. So I’m curious about just how well you were accepted into that community.

Troy Sergey: I do believe I’ve been received in welcome open arms, which I think is great. And I think just the fact that it is leaning towards an older congregation and the fact that they wanted a younger pastor, I think speaks volume of their direction and their heart for the church and the ministry. And at the end of the day, too, young adults there who are my age, who, we have similarities. We grew up in the same era, right. We didn’t know each other, but we had teenage years together. And some of those bonding with just what it was like being a teenager in the late 2000 teens. Right.

I guess that shows how old I am. But I think those conversations and that factor has made it feel welcoming, too. And last week, Pastor Cam and Pastor Jim said on the podcast the importance of finding connections outside our theology and outside our church organization, and just how beneficial that can be, of knowing that there are people in your community who are serving the Lord Jesus in the same capacity you are right. And have the same heart for the community in which you serve as you do. And I’ve been able to make a couple of connections. I think I would probably want to be challenged a little more by meeting some more, but certainly one gentleman I was able to connect with and some of the ministries that are starting up in this community, like young life at the local high school. Knowing that there’s places, there’s niches, there’s pockets in my community in which I can serve, serve the gospel, serve people, point people to Christ. That makes me feel special, that makes me feel less alone.

Bryan Walker: You know, as I think of the work you’re doing, Pastor Troy, and establishing, like you said, these new benchmarks of being married and being new in a community and being new in your neighborhood where you live and all this new stuff, how have you navigated just successfully all of that new. That’s a lot for a person. And what did you lean in in that process to just enjoy, maybe embrace those, that new experience?

Troy Sergey: Yeah, certainly. I think as a newly married man leaning on my wife and knowing that she is experiencing the same things I am, and I think that creates an opportunity in our marriage to get stronger. And she’s from Columbus, Ohio, and she’s lived in Columbus, Ohio, her whole life. This was her first time moving period. I think maybe it helped a little bit, you know, going off to grace Bible college at the time in Grand Rapids and then going to Ada. So I already had some adjustments there, and then going here was an adjustment, but also leaning on my church, too. These are people who know this community, know this neighborhood, know this city a lot better than I do, for obvious reasons. Right.

And to just lean on them. Hey, what are good places to eat? Hey, where should I even be looking for to rent a home? Hey, what are some fun activities to do? And that creates now an intimacy that I have with my church of shared experiences just like that already. 

Brett Elder: So, Trent, you had the opportunity to have Troy serve as a resident at your church. So as a pastor who is a sole staff member as well, you clearly see value in it. What do you find rewarding about it?

Trent Boedecker: I think one of the great things about being in a place for so long is that you really do build connections with people and with community and with other, you know, other local pastors. But, you know, just to get to know people and to see kids grow up in the church and to become servants in your church, kids who came through your coach by Christ and to see them leading worship, that’s really exciting.

The most poignant aspect of aloneness

Brett Elder: I appreciate the fact that you’ve been in that role for 22 years. That’s just an amazing commitment to a congregation. And I wonder maybe as we sort of turn the corner, because we are talking about serving alone, talk to me about maybe what the aspect of aloneness is that’s most poignant for you. So as you do ministry, where do you feel or when do you feel most alone in that process?

Troy Sergey: Yeah, I think the obvious answer would be, I guess, office hours. Sometimes I’ll get to the office in the late morning or mid morning and not see anyone until I leave. And that’s certainly something that, with ministry, people centered, loving on others, meeting with people, talking with people, praying with people, that certainly is interesting. But that also inspires me to go out, meet with one of our elderly folks in their home. It inspires me to go down the road on maybe a late afternoon baseball game or a track event.

…And just to have conversations, just to be around people of your church, have those conversations and be with your church, be with your community. 

So I would say the office hours feels the most lonely. But of course, when there’s things that pop up, you know, difficult decisions to make, difficult circumstances, difficult conversations you have with congregation members. And I guess your wife is always someone that’s there no matter what, that’s willing to listen and willing to help.

Brett Elder: Yeah, sure. So, Trent, talk to us about that as well. What do you find the most alone about serving as pastor?

Trent Boedecker: I would echo what Troy shared about office hours, but also, I think when you’re the only pastor in a church, you’re the only staff member. Sometimes it seems like a really big task that you have to do. And I think sometimes as pastors, we think that we have to take it all on our shoulders. And we forget sometimes that we can reach out and involve other people who are willing to step in and help in lots of different ways.

I think a lot of times it’s when we think that we have to take it on our own shoulders and we have to do all the different things instead of relying on other people.

And also, having mentors you can go to and ask about different things is huge.

Risks of working alone as a pastor

Bryan Walker: So, you know, you guys bring up this idea of the benefits and maybe some of the difficulty. Maybe on the other edge of that is the risks of being alone, serving alone. What have you found, maybe observationally or even experientially that you would say this is the, this is a risk for pastors who serve alone and don’t have maybe a close, geographically close network of folks to be part of your life together and share this pastoral responsibility. Experientially or observationally, what are some risks that pastors face about being in that alone position?

Troy Sergey: I think just that feeling of being on an island, and I think that’s a good parallel. And I guess I’ve even seen some pastors through mutual connections who have kind of went that attitude and didn’t tap into other resources, didn’t tap into fellowship in their communities across the country, whatever, and it just becomes totally isolated. And of course, burnout can happen with that. But also I think there becomes this attitude of not wanting to have connections because, well, things have, “worked for many years” without connections. So being closed off from connections, I think, could be like a negative alternate reality of tapping in for so many years of not utilizing connections and utilizing people who care about you.

Brett Elder: What about you? What’s a risk for you, Trent, in your mind?

Trent Boedecker: Yeah, I think maybe discouragement could be a big risk. It’s easy to get discouraged when you feel alone. I guess I’ve been really blessed here in Ohio. Even shortly after, when I was a young pastor, I had some Grace guys here in Ohio that reached out and, you know, for a while we were meeting monthly in person, but we don’t do that anymore. But we maintain, you know, a regular Zoom meeting. And I build a relationship with some guys here close by, and it is good to have that encouragement.

Transparency as a pastor

Brett Elder: How do you balance the fact that you are a pastor? So, of course you have life together, completely together, and a congregation who you want to be pastor. I’m just being facetious, of course. But do you feel like you can be transparent about some of the trials and challenges and temptations and human, sinful aspects of life that befall you? Do you feel like you can be transparent or is that tougher to do in your congregation because somehow you’re on a higher pedestal in the eyes of others?

Troy Sergey: Yeah, I think it can certainly be difficult to have that transparency, especially because, you know, I guess you’re one of the only voices in some of these folks’ life that’s a spiritual, positive one, right? And, you know, a lot of them don’t have other types of church connections. You know, you’re it, right? I mean, when they think pastor, you’re the first name, first face that comes into mind. So I think with that, you know, that can create a little bit of pressure on you as the pastor of, wow, a church that, you know, is on the smaller side. There’s folks here that really look to you as their source of spirituality. Right. And there comes a sense of pressure with that.

And you don’t sometimes maybe want to be fully transparent in other areas because you don’t want to mess up their view of what a godly individual is like or this and that. 

Brett Elder: Fair enough. Fair enough. Trent, your experience.

Trent Boedecker: Yeah, I like the word that you used, “pressure”. But the reality is everybody knows that we’re mortal human beings. You know, we’re not super people. And I think the longer that you are in a place… like I’ve been here for a long time. And so you build deeper relationships with people and you get to know each other really well and they know your personality. And so I think you are able to build those connections with some people where you can go deeper and maybe you become maybe closer friends with, in a sense, with some people and you can open up and just say, “hey, I’m dealing with this situation with my family or my kids”, or whatever it is, and you feel confident that they are going to keep confidence and they can pray for you and encourage you. But, yeah, I think it’s a balance. 

Bryan Walker: Hey, Trent, a large percentage of our listeners are board members. And if you could tell board members this idea of just operating in maybe a sense of loneliness or aloneness, what would you tell our board members who are listening to be aware of in their ministries along with their pastor to give them an encouragement for helping their pastor? 

Trent Boedecker: Yeah, I think maybe a good counsel would be to reach out and to say, “how are you doing?” And not just that quick, hey, how you doing? But to maybe create a space where we can sit down and really talk and say, hey, what are some things that I can pray for you about and how can I encourage you? 

Troy Sergey: And I would say something pretty similar to that. Just being able to listen first to your pastor. Right. And get a sense, too, of his direction with the church and with the congregation and implying spirituality, of course, the Bible, the Word of God to the church and just his, I guess, ministry philosophy, too. 

Brett Elder: Do you find your most accountable, most transparent relationships within the church or outside of the church besides your spouse?

Troy Sergey: I would say in the church. I think the culture, I guess, I’m creating in my church is honesty, openness, togetherness, and community.

I mean, those might be basic words, but those are transformational words, right? I mean, especially when you look at the local church and you look at the model that we’re trying to be.

Brett Elder: So, Trent, maybe that’s a tough, tough act to follow. If I posited the question, is there a right or wrong answer here? But I can’t imagine that that’s true of everyone, that their closest, most accountable, transparent relationships are within the church that they serve. But what’s your experience?

Trent Boedecker: Yeah, I would say I have some in both. There are people in our church who we feel very close to that we can talk to about those kinds of things. But also, I’ve been blessed to build some really strong relationships outside the church.

How board members can help their pastor

Brett Elder: Hey, I want to turn the corner here, the final corner here on this episode, and ask my colleague, Doctor Walker. Since the GGF – Grace Gospel Fellowship is all about healthy pastors, the idea that healthy boards cultivate healthy pastors, and healthy boards and pastors foster healthy churches. As you listen to Trent and Troy, and as you’ve traveled around and spoken with a lot of pastors, what advice would you give to elders, deacons, trustees, those in the formal leadership capacities, probably lay leadership capacities, as it relates to awareness of the aloneness, stemming it, coming alongside it. What would your advice be?

Bryan Walker: First, I want to just encourage you two men that as young men and pastor roles. You have such a mature perspective of the role you are in and that the churches are in good hands. When I think of how we can help and encourage and strengthen, one of the things, as Brett points out, is our work with boards, church boards, and helping them understand the collaborative nature of church ministry.

We have found in churches across the country that when pastors have neglected that, when they’ve said, hey, the pastor is the guy who gets paid, so he’s the guy who does the work that we have found is a really, it fosters, or even more than that, punctuates the aloneness that a pastor has and creates the, I think the space for isolation, and I sincerely believe that Satan not only hates our pastor, hates pastors, but he loves to isolate you guys.

And when a board facilitates that isolation, that just creates such a dangerous space for a pastor. And so my counsel to boards is to hear what these two men have said and to really lean into. How can we help our pastors not be isolated? How can I, as a board elder, come alongside our pastor and invest in a meaningful way into their life, but also invest into a meaningful way into their ministry so that they’re not exclusively responsible for feeling the weight and pressure of that entire congregation, whether you’re a church of 30, 40, 50, or 100, 200, 300? The work is too much for one person. And I think to Pastor Troy’s point, this risk of burnout is a very serious risk, and it’s perpetuated by isolation, I believe.

Final thoughts and resources

Brett Elder: That’s a great answer. So I want to maybe just toss out there the question that Doctor Walker almost always asks, and that is, are there any resources out there that we’re aware of that helps a pastor as they try to navigate the isolation of their role?

Troy Sergey: For me, a book that I just took me about two and a half years to really get through, is “The Pastor” by Eugene Peterson. 

Brett Elder: All right, thanks for that. Thanks for that, gentlemen, thanks for your time today. And we’re grateful. This won’t be the last time, I’m sure, that we have you on this podcast.

Need help?

Grace Gospel Fellowship would love to partner with your church leadership as you grow together. We offer many different resources to help you thrive in your calling to shepherd the church. Reach out to us at info@ggfusa.org to get started!